I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
