The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
