It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
