It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
