I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
