You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
