literally had 100 drinks last night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
even my farts smell like vagina
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
