tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
