I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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