Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
