i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
