We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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