fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
home. puking in laundry basket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
