You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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