Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
