There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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