i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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