i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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