Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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