Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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