Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
