I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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