Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
