p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
