Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
