thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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