sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
