some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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