Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
