You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
