I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
