Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
