Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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