do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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