I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sext me about skeletons
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
