he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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