My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
