I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize