i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
