Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
