how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
