Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
