Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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