When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
