dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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