i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
