No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
