I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
