Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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