you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
