If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize