i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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