If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
