In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
