She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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