His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
