I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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