I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
