piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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